Daddy came in from the backyard (why was he out there? did anybody think to question?) in a great hurry.
"Children, come quick!" he said. "I was outside just now and I saw a BIG BUNNY with a wicker BASKET and a WAISTCOAT and he was dropping THINGS on the ground!"
The children squealed with delight and raced out the door.
"What can you see?" asked Mummy, exchanging a conspiratorial glance with Daddy.
"Shiny things!" said five-year-old Billy.
"Fun!" said two-year-old Jenny.
It was true, or so it seemed: a big bunny had apparently come hopping through and left all sorts of exciting presents.
"Let's have an Easter hunt!" said Daddy.
The children wandered happily around picking up the Easter Bunny's gifts. Billy found two crowns of thorns lodged in the fronds of a fern tree; Jenny discovered a spear in the water feature.
"That's for side-sticking!" said Mummy.
"Whee!" said Jenny.
Billy came across eight enormous rusty nails nestled in the cubby house.
"Quick, Jenny!" he cried. "There must be a mallet somewhere!"
And so there was: in the dog's food bowl! The family laughed in unison at the Easter Bunny's mischievous wit.
Finally it seemed that they had found all of the Easter Bunny's surprises and the children were afflicted with discontent.
"I wonder if he left anything else," said Daddy in a sneaky sort of voice. "Where haven't we looked?"
"Billy, Jenny," said Mummy, "I notice you haven't looked on top of the compost heap behind the shed. Do you think there might be something there?"
Billy and Jenny giggled and raced behind the shed. There, at the crest of the compost heap, were two enormous wooden crosses. Billy and Jenny gasped.
"It's a...," said Jenny.
"Are we...?" said Billy.
"That's right kids," said Daddy. "It's time for one of our proudest family traditions: crucifixion!"
Later, as Billy and Jenny hung bleeding and semi-conscious on their crosses, a large rabbit with a waistcoat and a wicker basket hopped over the fence. He scattered chocolate eggs around the garden, sniffed the air, and was just about to hop over the fence when his skull was pierced by a spear.
"Dinner!" said Daddy, grinding the rabbit's face beneath his heel.
"This has been the best Easter ever!" said Mummy unwrapping an egg that the rabbit had left in the crook of a branch. It was dark chocolate: her favourite.